I am now dating my fellow actor in the play (he plays the villain no less)

it’s amazing, he’s amazing, our night together was amazing

he comes from an extremely conservative, non American family, who still control how late he can go out, what he can do, who he can see, etc.  I wont’ lie, it’s hard.  I’m very liberal and all that.  He is too, but he still has to appease his strict dad.  It might be a long time before we can spend the night together again, and as it is we only see each other during performances.

oh and some of the other actors hate him, and I really dont’ know why.  Well, I suspect they’re just being racist, and/or are picking on him because he’s more introverted than they are.  I really don’t know.  But they say nasty things about him, even when he’s right there.  And I can’t say anything because he asked me to keep our relationship a secret.  (though by now I’m almost sure they know, we are together all the time)

ahhh anyway he’s a total darling, and I adore him.  I will put up with this torture of having to wait a week just to see him again, and hope that what we have only builds after the play is over. 

so two people called me “Sir” today; one was a kid and the other a very sweet girl who apologized profusely when I answered her question and apparently sounded female enough to reveal the “truth.”  I had to assure her that I took no offense; still it was nice that she apologized, because it doesn’t feel good, at least for me, when people mistake me for a dude, but do so rudely.  As in, when they decide (or “find out”) that I’m female, sometimes they’re really fucking rude about it, or just plain dismissive.  idk, I still have not decided my gender identity, and am pretty comfortable with non-binary, or bigendered, it’s just people used to be very cruel about that in High School.  And though it’s rare, I still get mocked/bullied from time to time here in college, by really the same sort of people who used to bully me in school.  So yeah while it is amusing and even flattering for me, if someone calls me sir, it helps a lot if that same person is respectful of my feelings if they realize I’m not exactly what they think I am.

but you know, even when I try to doll up and be femme, some people still wonder.  Once a guy asked me if I was “all woman down there,” after I showed him a photo of myself online, where I’d done my hair and all that.  I guess it only really matters in terms of going to the bathroom; I only ever use the ladie’s rooms, and so far no one has ever questioned me, but now I wonder if anyone thinks I’m in the wrong bathroom when they see me.  eye dee kaaay

and what’s funny is that when I answered that girl, I thought about using a macho voice lol.  but I ended up speaking in my “public” voice, which is deliberately more feminine, and kinda Valley Girl actually.  I’ve trained myself to talk like that since high school, just because of how the other kids would treat me if I spoke in my normal voice.  it’s so ingrained in me now; I like my voice just fine, but damn I didnt’ realize how deeply ingrained of a habit it is.  Like, I have to really make an effort to allow myself to speak naturally with a stranger.

cutiescootybooty

schmogg:

evra-tf2:

epiphanyx3:

I found my headcanon medic when it comes to expressions.

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I’m pretty sure the Germans under us will know him. 

For the others, his name is Juergen Klopp. He’s a German Fussball/Soccer/Football trainer and known for his outbursts and expressions… 

He might not be the handsomest out there.. but just look at

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his

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face

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(seriously, go search for Juergen Klopp…enjoy laughing at his rage faces)

But wait….theres MORE

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